He super-glued what?

Super-glue is evil.  I'm pretty sure it should be called human glue, because let's be honest it never seems to glue anything but my fingers together... or holy-shittingly, my son's freakin' eyelashes.

Wigga wigga whaaat?  Yes, I just typed that.  My 1 year old (who had a minor eye procedure about two weeks ago) managed to glue his eyelashes together today. Yep, same eye.  No, I am not the mother who gave her kid superglue as a "keep him busy for a second" toy.  (No need for CPS, more like Ripley's Believe it or Not.)

The oldest received a pirate ship for his third birthday.  That awesome piece of molded plastic has about 24 bazillion small, choke and/or lose worthy, pieces.  I had the bright idea to glue some of the more important pieces in place.  Smart, huh?  I know, genius!  Anyway, I happily glued all of those little suckers into place, and ignorantly assumed that he glue would DRY.  Stooopid!!  2.5-3 hours later, the little monsters woke from their nap.  Middle monster reached out and touched the pirate ship.  Then he knocked it over, cried a bit and walked away.  No worries, right? It sadly took me a minute or so to realize that the magic pirate ship had turned my otherwise normal child into a one-eyed pirate with a pissed off demeanor.  I actually did a double, hell, possibly a triple-take wondering why he had one eye squeezed shut.  Then it hit me... OMG, my small child has somehow managed to get superglue in his EYELASHES.  W.T.F.  I then looked at the pirate ship and realized that none of the glue was dry. It was just being held nice and gooey under all of those cute choke-sized pieces.  Middle child had snatched a flag, rubbed his eye, and VOILA!  Instant Pirate.  EFF ME. 

Now you might ask, how does one get superglue out of one-year-old eyelashes?  Baby oil on a wet wipe, small circular motion, and another adult holding the screaming infant while Mommy gets to try to use an eyelash brush to open the suckers without plucking them all out.  It worked.  His eye is no longer permanently patched.  The goo, I mean glue, has been removed from the premises and Mommy is very thankful that she didn't have to explain this entire fiasco to an ER DR with CPS on speed dial.

Welcome 2013.  Arrrrrrrgh, Matey.  Me be needin' some wine.