Shark Tank submission: Take 1

For those of you unfamiliar with Tractor Supply... it is a southern boy-child's crack store.  The biggest child yells "TAKAH SUPP-EYE", each and every time we pass.  It is the first store we see as we enter and exit our neighborhood.  Awesome.

What is so special about this store?  Well, the asshats that do their store set-up displays are childless, money-mongering whores.  How do I know this, you ask??  Well, they put their German engineered life-like barn and zoo animals right at the entrance so there is no way to hide them from your children.  These little beauties are priced for the common man, at you know, like, $6.99-$12.99... a PIECE!  A PIECE!!.  Did I mention that they are small enough to fit in the average female's palm?  Yep.  The big kid loves farm and zoo animals.  He wants them all.  Including the family of geese that are about the size of a cherry tomato and smaller, economically priced at 2.99-4.99 each. What.a.steal. 


So we have dozens of these, and they always come with a plastic-coated, teensy-tiny, bar code on the leg.  We *try* to remove them, but apparently one got by.... and was found by the middle child.

Middle child is well known around these parts as "anything I can reach and pick up, I will eat."  This makes for joyous diapers.  Diapers, that contain one 7.99 platypus bar code, covered in poo.  The tag was 100% intact.  Are these bar codes engineered by  the German version of NASA?  I need a cell phone case made out of these suckers.  I mean, if it can be eaten and passed ALLLLLLL the way through an infant's digestive system, it should be able to protect my iPhone from water in the pool, right??

I think I may be on to something.  I wonder if that Shark Tank show would accept my idea?  The iPOO protective case, b/c well, it will protect your phone from all kinds of shit.